So, I haven’t been playing out with the band all that much, so I thought I’d try something different; The I’m Only Playing A Song or Two Tour 2011!
I’m not working on any new plays until late August, so I’ve got a little free time. I thought I’d stop by the different Open Mic Nights in the area every now and then and play a song or two, just to see how the new songs work live. This could either be a lot of fun, or I could sink into a morass of self-important singer/songwriters and club owners looking for free entertainment. Either way, I’ll try to keep this blog updated on the progress.
Here’s the tour so far:
Monday July 18th, 7:00 - Steve’s Backstage Pass, Taunton, MA
Tuesday July 19th, 7:00 - Michael’s, Plymouth, MA
Thursday July 21st, 8:30 - Peddler’s Loft, Raynham, MA (this is a full set w/the band)
Tuesday July 26th, 8:00 - Stadium Sports Bar & Grill, Quincy, MA
Wednesday July 27th, 8:30 - Paddy Barry’s, Quincy, MA
More details can be found at Click Here
If you know of any others worth adding to the tour, drop me a line.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
OSCARS 2011
As the folks on MYSTIC RIVER and GLORY will tell you, I am kind of a good luck charm when it comes to winning Oscars and this year won’t be any different. I see Best Supporting Actor and Actress nods for my co-stars on THE FIGHTER, but that’s it.
All the big awards inexplicably will go to that limey twaddle THE KINGS SPEECH. Much like the world’s interest in ‘The Royal Wedding”, I am at a loss to explain why it happens but THE KINGS SPEECH will sweep. Get out the brooms my friends, you have been warned.
Monday, November 1, 2010
You Are Getting Warmer
IT’S TIME ONCE AGAIN TO ASK A BITTER MAN:
Today letter comes from Dr. Holly Wean of Punkin, MA
Dear Bitter Man:
It’ almost winter time again here in the North East. So, is global warming a liberal hoax or what?
That’s a very interesting question Holly, and you’ve come to the right place for the answer, because there are but three people in the free world that truly understand anthropogenic global warming and two of them are Al Gore. Fortunately I’m the third.
Global warming, as it is called, is very real, but the egg-head liberals are just as confused on this issue as the head-in-the-sand conservatives. Let me break it down into terms that even I can understand: the climate reacts to changes that are imposed upon it. These changes include variations in the amount of energy we receive from the Sun.
The ‘ Greenhouse Effect’ causes more energy to be radiated back to the earth, raising temperatures. Clouds and things like aerosol sprays cause the Sun’s energy to bounce back into space, lowering temperatures on Earth. Back during the Industrial Revolution these two variants were held in check because even though those massive factories were burning coal and pour carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, causing energy to radiate back to the Earth, warming the planet; they were also billowing huge plumes of smoke into the air, which caused some of the Sun’s energy to bounce back, and keep the Greenhouse radiated energy in check.
So what happened? Tree Huggers, that what. Well intentioned white people that worked tirelessly to reduce smoke emissions and aerosol use, while doing nothing about Greenhouse gasses, threw the checks and balances out of whack, and we stopped bouncing a portion of Sun’s energy away while the energy radiated back to Earth from carbon dioxide and his new friends, chloro and hydrochloro (the fluorocarbon twins) kept growing.
All this extra energy gets stored in the ocean as heat, and even if we were able to correct the balance tomorrow, the ocean won’t give up its warmth so quickly and we could look forward to the melting of the polar ice caps for decades to come.
But that doesn’t mean we should give up. It is always easier to add than subtract, just follow Oprah’s weight charts if you need any proof of that. What we need is to get more aerosols into the air to balance things out. That right, Holly, spray away. The Earth needs your help. As sad as it may seem, Snookie might save us yet!
But thanks for the letter. It’s time for me to say, Later On Croutons.
Today letter comes from Dr. Holly Wean of Punkin, MA
Dear Bitter Man:
It’ almost winter time again here in the North East. So, is global warming a liberal hoax or what?
That’s a very interesting question Holly, and you’ve come to the right place for the answer, because there are but three people in the free world that truly understand anthropogenic global warming and two of them are Al Gore. Fortunately I’m the third.
Global warming, as it is called, is very real, but the egg-head liberals are just as confused on this issue as the head-in-the-sand conservatives. Let me break it down into terms that even I can understand: the climate reacts to changes that are imposed upon it. These changes include variations in the amount of energy we receive from the Sun.
The ‘ Greenhouse Effect’ causes more energy to be radiated back to the earth, raising temperatures. Clouds and things like aerosol sprays cause the Sun’s energy to bounce back into space, lowering temperatures on Earth. Back during the Industrial Revolution these two variants were held in check because even though those massive factories were burning coal and pour carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, causing energy to radiate back to the Earth, warming the planet; they were also billowing huge plumes of smoke into the air, which caused some of the Sun’s energy to bounce back, and keep the Greenhouse radiated energy in check.
So what happened? Tree Huggers, that what. Well intentioned white people that worked tirelessly to reduce smoke emissions and aerosol use, while doing nothing about Greenhouse gasses, threw the checks and balances out of whack, and we stopped bouncing a portion of Sun’s energy away while the energy radiated back to Earth from carbon dioxide and his new friends, chloro and hydrochloro (the fluorocarbon twins) kept growing.
All this extra energy gets stored in the ocean as heat, and even if we were able to correct the balance tomorrow, the ocean won’t give up its warmth so quickly and we could look forward to the melting of the polar ice caps for decades to come.
But that doesn’t mean we should give up. It is always easier to add than subtract, just follow Oprah’s weight charts if you need any proof of that. What we need is to get more aerosols into the air to balance things out. That right, Holly, spray away. The Earth needs your help. As sad as it may seem, Snookie might save us yet!
But thanks for the letter. It’s time for me to say, Later On Croutons.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
It’s time once again to Ask A Bitter Man: Corn-ering The Market
It’s time once again to Ask A Bitter Man:
Today’s letter comes from Miss Dolly Dagger of Hendrix, MA
Dear Bitter Man:
Is America in decline, or what?
Thanks for the letter Dolly, you’ve come to the right place for the answer because I’ve been in decline myself, since the early 60’s.
The simple fact is, when you see the writing on the wall, you just know it’s going to happen. Blockbuster got too big for their britches and tried to sell Cds, magazines, candy, dolls, posters and everything else under the sun, rather than concentrate on their DVD rentals and, big shock, they filed for bankruptcy last week.
German scientist develop a ‘pink Viagra’ supposedly to boost the sex drive in postmenopausal women and then pull it off the market because, while in does make women want to have more sex, it doesn’t make them want to have any of it with egghead German scientist.
When I lived in China they had roughly 700 miles of paved roads and skinned cats hanging in the market, now they have 30,000 miles of highway and 105 McDonald’s with drive-through windows. What does this have to do with the decline of America? Everything.
While we’re making the shift to those ticking bomb Toyota Prius silly hybrid cars the Chinese are buying up our muscle cars, loading up on Big Macs and taking over the world. Have you see that commercial where a guy that looks like Robin Williams dressed up as George Washington drives a sports car towards the advancing British army and they flee in terror, while the announcer makes some jingoistic claim about gas guzzling and freedom?
Well, the Chinese have no use for freedom, but they sure have bought into the idea that the road to world domination is littered with Shelby Cobras and Dodge Vipers, and we tree-hugging Americans strap on our cycling helmets and peddle our way to the back of the line.
Think I’m lying? What do you think you need to make those hybrid car that are being jammed down our throats, as well as the computers, cell phones or solar panels that we can’t seem to live without these days? Rare Earth Metals. Your bastbaesites, cerites, monazites and the likes. And just where are these earth friendly minerals ripped from the Earth? China, that’s where.
97 percent of the worlds supply of rare earths is controlled by China. They sit on top of roughly one third of the world’s reserves. The US sits on the second largest volume of known rare earth deposits, but we stopped producing it years ago because it was cheaper to import it from China. Now they have cornered the market!
So how do we fight back? Revamp the Indiana plants and end our dependency on China’s rare earth metals? Sure we could do that, but it would cost untold millions of dollars and some hard work. My solution is simpler and involves something we have at hand.
We already control the world’s corn production. Next year’s crop will be one of the largest in history, but if we pretend that there is a shortage of corn, even a simple 4% reduction would cause wide spread global panic. Russia, with her wheat crops wiped out by wildfires this summer, is no longer a grain market player. The gullible and hungry North African and Middle Eastern traders would start to hoard supplies and poor little China would be left out in the cold.
Sure, hybrid cars and superconductors are nice, but try getting along with the corn based antibiotics, textiles, dyes, flour, cheese spread, Coke, soaps or whiskey.
Look, we’re no longer a world power, we got to come to terms with that reality; but if Ping Pong Bob wants his corn dog, he still gotta dance to our tune. Thanks for the letter Dolly, it’s time for me to say Later On Croutons…. A nice corn-based crouton at that.
Today’s letter comes from Miss Dolly Dagger of Hendrix, MA
Dear Bitter Man:
Is America in decline, or what?
Thanks for the letter Dolly, you’ve come to the right place for the answer because I’ve been in decline myself, since the early 60’s.
The simple fact is, when you see the writing on the wall, you just know it’s going to happen. Blockbuster got too big for their britches and tried to sell Cds, magazines, candy, dolls, posters and everything else under the sun, rather than concentrate on their DVD rentals and, big shock, they filed for bankruptcy last week.
German scientist develop a ‘pink Viagra’ supposedly to boost the sex drive in postmenopausal women and then pull it off the market because, while in does make women want to have more sex, it doesn’t make them want to have any of it with egghead German scientist.
When I lived in China they had roughly 700 miles of paved roads and skinned cats hanging in the market, now they have 30,000 miles of highway and 105 McDonald’s with drive-through windows. What does this have to do with the decline of America? Everything.
While we’re making the shift to those ticking bomb Toyota Prius silly hybrid cars the Chinese are buying up our muscle cars, loading up on Big Macs and taking over the world. Have you see that commercial where a guy that looks like Robin Williams dressed up as George Washington drives a sports car towards the advancing British army and they flee in terror, while the announcer makes some jingoistic claim about gas guzzling and freedom?
Well, the Chinese have no use for freedom, but they sure have bought into the idea that the road to world domination is littered with Shelby Cobras and Dodge Vipers, and we tree-hugging Americans strap on our cycling helmets and peddle our way to the back of the line.
Think I’m lying? What do you think you need to make those hybrid car that are being jammed down our throats, as well as the computers, cell phones or solar panels that we can’t seem to live without these days? Rare Earth Metals. Your bastbaesites, cerites, monazites and the likes. And just where are these earth friendly minerals ripped from the Earth? China, that’s where.
97 percent of the worlds supply of rare earths is controlled by China. They sit on top of roughly one third of the world’s reserves. The US sits on the second largest volume of known rare earth deposits, but we stopped producing it years ago because it was cheaper to import it from China. Now they have cornered the market!
So how do we fight back? Revamp the Indiana plants and end our dependency on China’s rare earth metals? Sure we could do that, but it would cost untold millions of dollars and some hard work. My solution is simpler and involves something we have at hand.
We already control the world’s corn production. Next year’s crop will be one of the largest in history, but if we pretend that there is a shortage of corn, even a simple 4% reduction would cause wide spread global panic. Russia, with her wheat crops wiped out by wildfires this summer, is no longer a grain market player. The gullible and hungry North African and Middle Eastern traders would start to hoard supplies and poor little China would be left out in the cold.
Sure, hybrid cars and superconductors are nice, but try getting along with the corn based antibiotics, textiles, dyes, flour, cheese spread, Coke, soaps or whiskey.
Look, we’re no longer a world power, we got to come to terms with that reality; but if Ping Pong Bob wants his corn dog, he still gotta dance to our tune. Thanks for the letter Dolly, it’s time for me to say Later On Croutons…. A nice corn-based crouton at that.
Monday, August 30, 2010
IT’S TIME ONCE AGAIN TO ASK A BITTERMAN:
Today’s letter comes from Miss Minnie Mosque of Kissimmee, Florida.
Dear Bitter Man:
Should I be opposed to this darn Cordoba House in New York City, or what?
Dear Minnie,
That’s a great question and you’ve come to the right place for the answer because I’m more diplomatic than Mel Gibson trying to get a distribution deal for his next movie.
If you honestly believe that over a billion Muslims are responsible for the actions of a few extremists, then yes, a mosque a couple of blocks over from Ground Zero is a bad idea. As bad an idea as a day care center in a Catholic church, as a matter of fact (If this were an episode of Family Guy we’d cut to shot of a priest wiping his dick with a teddy bear right now).
Saudi Arabia doesn’t even allow churches or temples to be built anywhere in their country, so why is it such a big deal for our government to ask reputedly moderate Muslims to move their community center a little further away from a site where some of their members murdered thousands of people? After all, we’re just talking about a place to play ping pong and some pick-up games of basketball, right?
I was all in favor of moving the thing until a new poll came out that said 60% of all American’s oppose the mosque. When have 60% of Americans ever been right about anything? There must be some pretty compelling reasons for the mosque to stay put, but rather than actually think about the problem, I came up with a solution…
Who hates Muslims more than Glenn Beck during sweeps week? The Chinese, that who. And we’ve only hated them since 2001, they’ve hated them as far back as 650. We’re the Johnny-come-lately, band wagon jumpers to this Islam slam, and China knows how to hate.
Don’t forget; HWA Commercial Bank, China Capital, Investments, Chamber of Commerce Organizations, Cheng Enterprises Holding Inc, Nan Commercial Bank, Xiang Trading USA Computer Services, Ren America, Construction America Construction, China Daily Distribution Corp. Business Services, Lin, Li, & Jiang LLP, Securities Co. Ltd, China Patent & Trademark USA Attorneys, China Resource Products USA Ltd., USA Corp Wholesalers, Kangyo Trust Co. Trusts, Intl., King (USA) Limited, Tong Intl. (USA) Co., Capital Management Investments, Chugoku Bank and Gao Qiao USA all had offices (and lost people) in The World Trade Center in New York. That’s a lot of chinks in the wood pile; they’ve got almost as much reason to be pissed as we do.
So why doesn’t China step up and do our dirty work for us? Who likes a whole sale slaughter of a people more than a Chinaman? No one, that’s who. But they won’t, because China doesn’t like to get it’s little Mao suits too messy on the world stage. They might run over a Muslim kid with a bus here, or execute a couple Turkic-speaking natives there, but they’re your passive-aggressive nation state, not really a take charge kind of people.
And don‘t forget, Qiao Liang and Wang Xiangsui, two senior colonels in the Chinese Army, actually blue-printed the attack on the World Trade Center three years before it happened in their white paper on asymmetrical warfare against the U.S., which also suggested destroying America by manipulating the U.S. media, cyber attacks on America’s infrastructure and using immigrants as a fifth column…But that could never happen, right?
So, thanks for the letter Minnie. You needn’t fear still yet another mosque in New York, but if I were Bloomberg, I’d be keeping an eye on those Chinese restaurants that seem to be sprouting up like mushrooms all over the city… And not those yummy Shiitake mushrooms either, but those killer little brown mushrooms that look harmless until you pop one in your mouth and then, boom, 24 hours on the toilet, if you’re lucky… It’s time for me to say Later On Croutons.
Dear Bitter Man:
Should I be opposed to this darn Cordoba House in New York City, or what?
Dear Minnie,
That’s a great question and you’ve come to the right place for the answer because I’m more diplomatic than Mel Gibson trying to get a distribution deal for his next movie.
If you honestly believe that over a billion Muslims are responsible for the actions of a few extremists, then yes, a mosque a couple of blocks over from Ground Zero is a bad idea. As bad an idea as a day care center in a Catholic church, as a matter of fact (If this were an episode of Family Guy we’d cut to shot of a priest wiping his dick with a teddy bear right now).
Saudi Arabia doesn’t even allow churches or temples to be built anywhere in their country, so why is it such a big deal for our government to ask reputedly moderate Muslims to move their community center a little further away from a site where some of their members murdered thousands of people? After all, we’re just talking about a place to play ping pong and some pick-up games of basketball, right?
I was all in favor of moving the thing until a new poll came out that said 60% of all American’s oppose the mosque. When have 60% of Americans ever been right about anything? There must be some pretty compelling reasons for the mosque to stay put, but rather than actually think about the problem, I came up with a solution…
Who hates Muslims more than Glenn Beck during sweeps week? The Chinese, that who. And we’ve only hated them since 2001, they’ve hated them as far back as 650. We’re the Johnny-come-lately, band wagon jumpers to this Islam slam, and China knows how to hate.
Don’t forget; HWA Commercial Bank, China Capital, Investments, Chamber of Commerce Organizations, Cheng Enterprises Holding Inc, Nan Commercial Bank, Xiang Trading USA Computer Services, Ren America, Construction America Construction, China Daily Distribution Corp. Business Services, Lin, Li, & Jiang LLP, Securities Co. Ltd, China Patent & Trademark USA Attorneys, China Resource Products USA Ltd., USA Corp Wholesalers, Kangyo Trust Co. Trusts, Intl., King (USA) Limited, Tong Intl. (USA) Co., Capital Management Investments, Chugoku Bank and Gao Qiao USA all had offices (and lost people) in The World Trade Center in New York. That’s a lot of chinks in the wood pile; they’ve got almost as much reason to be pissed as we do.
So why doesn’t China step up and do our dirty work for us? Who likes a whole sale slaughter of a people more than a Chinaman? No one, that’s who. But they won’t, because China doesn’t like to get it’s little Mao suits too messy on the world stage. They might run over a Muslim kid with a bus here, or execute a couple Turkic-speaking natives there, but they’re your passive-aggressive nation state, not really a take charge kind of people.
And don‘t forget, Qiao Liang and Wang Xiangsui, two senior colonels in the Chinese Army, actually blue-printed the attack on the World Trade Center three years before it happened in their white paper on asymmetrical warfare against the U.S., which also suggested destroying America by manipulating the U.S. media, cyber attacks on America’s infrastructure and using immigrants as a fifth column…But that could never happen, right?
So, thanks for the letter Minnie. You needn’t fear still yet another mosque in New York, but if I were Bloomberg, I’d be keeping an eye on those Chinese restaurants that seem to be sprouting up like mushrooms all over the city… And not those yummy Shiitake mushrooms either, but those killer little brown mushrooms that look harmless until you pop one in your mouth and then, boom, 24 hours on the toilet, if you’re lucky… It’s time for me to say Later On Croutons.
Monday, May 17, 2010
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
New in the theatres, music video director Sam Bayer’s of A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET. The only real problem with this remake of the Wes Craven classic is, it’s not scary.
You know what is scary? In the sleepy little town of Cohasset, MA (which also has an Elm Street), the superintendent of schools runs her own personal fiefdom. Imagine, after learning that one of her teachers had been molesting a student, rather than turning him over to the police, or even firing him; she had him transferred to another school system and then sent a letter to all of her other teachers warning that it would harm the reputation of the Cohasset school system (and their employment) if anyone were to admit that this pedophile had ever worked there.
Of course, that didn’t really happen. No such letter was ever written; but if it had and we found out about it, the superintendent would be forced to resign, face prosecution for failing to report a crime (at the very least) and possible the wrath an angry mob of citizens with torches and pitch forks.
No, no superintendent of schools would be crass and negligent enough to write that letter, but the pope did. Pope Benedict, Benedictus PP. XVI, the Bishop of Rome, the head of the Catholic Church and Sovereign of the Vatican City State, did just that!
So, the pope (or Joey Ratz as he’s know in certain bar along the Bangkok strip) will be arrested, right? Wrong. As a head of sate, Joey gets criminal and civil immunity under international law. What’s more. No one really seems to care. The Catholic church has actually grown by 12% world wide this century, in a decade that was marked by their unabated abuse scandals.
How can a warmed-over remake about a murderous pedophile hope to scare us when this is our reality? Avoid A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, and the pope, like a Delhi scrap-metal market; you have been warned. I’m Lance Norris, Boston’s only straight film critic, saying later on croutons!
You know what is scary? In the sleepy little town of Cohasset, MA (which also has an Elm Street), the superintendent of schools runs her own personal fiefdom. Imagine, after learning that one of her teachers had been molesting a student, rather than turning him over to the police, or even firing him; she had him transferred to another school system and then sent a letter to all of her other teachers warning that it would harm the reputation of the Cohasset school system (and their employment) if anyone were to admit that this pedophile had ever worked there.Of course, that didn’t really happen. No such letter was ever written; but if it had and we found out about it, the superintendent would be forced to resign, face prosecution for failing to report a crime (at the very least) and possible the wrath an angry mob of citizens with torches and pitch forks.
No, no superintendent of schools would be crass and negligent enough to write that letter, but the pope did. Pope Benedict, Benedictus PP. XVI, the Bishop of Rome, the head of the Catholic Church and Sovereign of the Vatican City State, did just that!
So, the pope (or Joey Ratz as he’s know in certain bar along the Bangkok strip) will be arrested, right? Wrong. As a head of sate, Joey gets criminal and civil immunity under international law. What’s more. No one really seems to care. The Catholic church has actually grown by 12% world wide this century, in a decade that was marked by their unabated abuse scandals.
How can a warmed-over remake about a murderous pedophile hope to scare us when this is our reality? Avoid A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, and the pope, like a Delhi scrap-metal market; you have been warned. I’m Lance Norris, Boston’s only straight film critic, saying later on croutons!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
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