Today’s letter comes from Miss Minnie Mosque of Kissimmee, Florida.
Dear Bitter Man:
Should I be opposed to this darn Cordoba House in New York City, or what?
Dear Minnie,
That’s a great question and you’ve come to the right place for the answer because I’m more diplomatic than Mel Gibson trying to get a distribution deal for his next movie.
If you honestly believe that over a billion Muslims are responsible for the actions of a few extremists, then yes, a mosque a couple of blocks over from Ground Zero is a bad idea. As bad an idea as a day care center in a Catholic church, as a matter of fact (If this were an episode of Family Guy we’d cut to shot of a priest wiping his dick with a teddy bear right now).
Saudi Arabia doesn’t even allow churches or temples to be built anywhere in their country, so why is it such a big deal for our government to ask reputedly moderate Muslims to move their community center a little further away from a site where some of their members murdered thousands of people? After all, we’re just talking about a place to play ping pong and some pick-up games of basketball, right?
I was all in favor of moving the thing until a new poll came out that said 60% of all American’s oppose the mosque. When have 60% of Americans ever been right about anything? There must be some pretty compelling reasons for the mosque to stay put, but rather than actually think about the problem, I came up with a solution…
Who hates Muslims more than Glenn Beck during sweeps week? The Chinese, that who. And we’ve only hated them since 2001, they’ve hated them as far back as 650. We’re the Johnny-come-lately, band wagon jumpers to this Islam slam, and China knows how to hate.
Don’t forget; HWA Commercial Bank, China Capital, Investments, Chamber of Commerce Organizations, Cheng Enterprises Holding Inc, Nan Commercial Bank, Xiang Trading USA Computer Services, Ren America, Construction America Construction, China Daily Distribution Corp. Business Services, Lin, Li, & Jiang LLP, Securities Co. Ltd, China Patent & Trademark USA Attorneys, China Resource Products USA Ltd., USA Corp Wholesalers, Kangyo Trust Co. Trusts, Intl., King (USA) Limited, Tong Intl. (USA) Co., Capital Management Investments, Chugoku Bank and Gao Qiao USA all had offices (and lost people) in The World Trade Center in New York. That’s a lot of chinks in the wood pile; they’ve got almost as much reason to be pissed as we do.
So why doesn’t China step up and do our dirty work for us? Who likes a whole sale slaughter of a people more than a Chinaman? No one, that’s who. But they won’t, because China doesn’t like to get it’s little Mao suits too messy on the world stage. They might run over a Muslim kid with a bus here, or execute a couple Turkic-speaking natives there, but they’re your passive-aggressive nation state, not really a take charge kind of people.
And don‘t forget, Qiao Liang and Wang Xiangsui, two senior colonels in the Chinese Army, actually blue-printed the attack on the World Trade Center three years before it happened in their white paper on asymmetrical warfare against the U.S., which also suggested destroying America by manipulating the U.S. media, cyber attacks on America’s infrastructure and using immigrants as a fifth column…But that could never happen, right?
So, thanks for the letter Minnie. You needn’t fear still yet another mosque in New York, but if I were Bloomberg, I’d be keeping an eye on those Chinese restaurants that seem to be sprouting up like mushrooms all over the city… And not those yummy Shiitake mushrooms either, but those killer little brown mushrooms that look harmless until you pop one in your mouth and then, boom, 24 hours on the toilet, if you’re lucky… It’s time for me to say Later On Croutons.
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