A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET

New in the theatres, music video director Sam Bayer’s of A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET. The only real problem with this remake of the Wes Craven classic is, it’s not scary.

You know what is scary? In the sleepy little town of Cohasset, MA (which also has an Elm Street), the superintendent of schools runs her own personal fiefdom. Imagine, after learning that one of her teachers had been molesting a student, rather than turning him over to the police, or even firing him; she had him transferred to another school system and then sent a letter to all of her other teachers warning that it would harm the reputation of the Cohasset school system (and their employment) if anyone were to admit that this pedophile had ever worked there.

Of course, that didn’t really happen. No such letter was ever written; but if it had and we found out about it, the superintendent would be forced to resign, face prosecution for failing to report a crime (at the very least) and possible the wrath an angry mob of citizens with torches and pitch forks.

No, no superintendent of schools would be crass and negligent enough to write that letter, but the pope did. Pope Benedict, Benedictus PP. XVI, the Bishop of Rome, the head of the Catholic Church and Sovereign of the Vatican City State, did just that!

So, the pope (or Joey Ratz as he’s know in certain bar along the Bangkok strip) will be arrested, right? Wrong. As a head of sate, Joey gets criminal and civil immunity under international law. What’s more. No one really seems to care. The Catholic church has actually grown by 12% world wide this century, in a decade that was marked by their unabated abuse scandals.

How can a warmed-over remake about a murderous pedophile hope to scare us when this is our reality? Avoid A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, and the pope, like a Delhi scrap-metal market; you have been warned. I’m Lance Norris, Boston’s only straight film critic, saying later on croutons!