THE MAN WHO KNOWS

 

THE MAN WHO KNOWS

 

Here in Massachusetts, there are four Questions on Ballot this year. One on taxes, one on healthcare, one on booze and one on transportation. I may not be the smartest person you know, but in some cases I’m the only person you know and, you are too lazy to do the work, so let me tell you how to vote.

 

QUESTION ONE: Additional tax on income over one million dollars. Don’t believe the TV commercials that say it raises taxes on all home sales. If you clear a million dollars profit on your home sale there would be an additional tax, not if you sell that piece of shit, wheelless trailer you’re living in. Why are you listening to TV. Next thing you know, you’ll be letting Magnum P.I. steal your mother’s house too.

 $24.7 million dollars have been raised to support Question One passing, to the only 13.6 million to oppose the passing. Big shock, the Mass. Teachers Association kicked in $11.3 million of that because the income raise is subject to appropriation for public education and roads. Even bigger shock, Billionaires Jim Davis ($2 million), Paul and Sandy Edgerley ($2 million) and Bob ‘Rub and Tug’ Kraft (a piker at $1 million) have all kicked in to fight Question One.

If Kraft is against it, my natural reaction is to think it is a good thing.

VOTE YES ON 1

 

QUESTION TWO: The Regulation of Dental Insurance. Basically, stopping administrators of dental benefit plans from kicking profits upstairs their Home Offices and force them to invest instead in members’ dental expenses and quality improvements.

Backers on both sides are running at an almost financial dead-heat, 7.8 million for, 7.6 against. The American Dental Association and litigious dentist/suspected Mass Health cheat Mouhab Rizallah are the principal donors fighting for the question, and the insurance companies are the ones releasing the hounds against its passing.

Rizallah is kind of a dink, but if the insurance industry is against it, I’m for it.

VOTE YES ON 2

 

QUESTION THREE: Expanded Availability of Liquor Licenses. On the surface, it’s a no brainer. More booze, bring it on. Basically, it means the limit for the Maximum Number of Licenses any one retailer could own would go from 7 to 18 by 2031.

The Question would also allow out-of-state driver’s licenses to finally be accepted as ID for booze and it would change the fine structure for stores that sell to minors. The fine would now be based on total sales for the store rather than just alcohol sales. So, if Cumbies sells beer to kids they are going to get a much bigger fine than if The Bunghole Liquors did, because they don’t sell as many Slim Jims as Cumbies.

Just under a million was raise to support passing this question and $12.50 was donated to oppose it. You read that right, less than the price of a pair of Men’s size 7-13, Dr. Scholl’s Comfort Double Air-Pillo Insoles has been raised to fight the passing of Question 3. Which is interesting because Mass Fine Wines & Spirits LLC has allocated more than $2.1 million to fight the questions but thanks to some creative independent expenditure rules, they don’t need to reflect those numbers in the committee totals.

Oh, by the way, Mass Fine Wines & Spirts LLC is better known as Total Wine, they have 243 superstores in 27 states. Hardly the Mom & Pop Shop you see in the commercials.

I say pass it. If Total Wine wants to sell beer to high school kids, let ‘em eat the fines.

VOTE YES ON 3

 

QUESTION FOUR: Basically, driver’s licenses for undocumented aliens (thus making them documented). Should they have them? Ah, why not. The T sucks, how else are they going to get to work?

Part of the reason you may not have heard much about this question is, only $185,000 has been raised to fight Question 4, while 2.2 million has been raised to pass it. Most self-respecting TV or radio sales reps wouldn’t touch either side for the commission on that Chump Change. Who are we kidding? There are no self-respecting TV and radio sales reps., I think most the money was wasted on direct mailing.

The Service Employees International Union and Arbella Insurance are kicking in the pocket change to support this Question, while Republican political hack John Milligan, former Political Director of the Massachusetts Republican Party and Jesse Brown’s handler for his Congressional bid in the 9^th District, is behind Fair and Secure Massachusetts’ $185,000 whip around. He’s one of these Geoff Diehl ginks, and while I hate to side with Insurance companies, I hate siding with Republicans even more…

VOTE YES ON 4

That’s YES on everything, my friend. Easy to remember, just pretend you’re at the buffet at The Golden Corral.

I have spoken.