Fantasy Football for the 1%

 

Of course, in this case 1% represents not only personal wealth, but how much of their soul is left inside their rotting husks. Charter members of the Lucky Sperm Club like Fox CEO Lachlan Murdoch and their COO John Nallen, Sony’s Ken Yoshida and Playstation’s Jim Ryan. Casey Wasserman, Mike Fries, Rupert Murdoch, Bob Chapek and the Mt. Rushmore of Cock Knobbery Musk, Cook, Zuckerberg and Jassy, to name a few.

As the rest of America celebrates our independence from the Velvet Covered Iron Fisting of English Royalty this Fourth of July Weekend, these over-stuffed cream skimmers gather in Sun Valley to wistfully reminisce about the days when you could cut a servant’s tongue out to keep them quiet.

Yes kids, it is time once again for Allen & Co’s Uber Secret Sun Valley Conference, and the company’s third generation CEO, the publicity shy Herby Allen III, has threatened to chop off the hands of anyone dumb enough to write about it. That would be me.

Other deep pockets expected to show up are Idaho’s Governor Brad Little, Spanx founder Sara Blakely, NFL stooge Roger Goodell, United Arab Emirates Ambassador Yousef Al Otaiba, Drug Dealer Albert ‘Pfizer’ Bourla, and my dusty old friend John Henry.

And what orgy of the rich and shameless would be complete with the media in attendance? Tom Brokaw is expected. NY Times ink-stained wretch Thomas Friedman, Washing Post’s David Ignatius, CNBC’s Becky Quick, Diane Sawyer, Andrew Ross Sorkin are all on the guest list too.

CNN is also well represented with Erin Burnett, Anderson Cooper and Van Jones all expected to show up to kiss the cock ring of corporate America. And incase you were wondering why a van load of underaged Asian sex workers was just spotted tooling down Rt. 75 south of Ketchum, Bob Kraft is also expected to attend and he’s ready to rumble.

Of course, these are just the people that have been invited, those in actual attendance is a closely guarded secret. Were terrorist to set off a bomb in Idaho this weekend the damage would be… well, sad for their families, but there is an endless production line of shitheels that would gladly step up and take their places.

And why should we care if these dilatants gather not five minutes from where Ernest Hemmingway swallowed his shotgun? Because this is the weekend where the deals get made. Fantasy Football for the 1%. A figurative and literal cock measuring contest. Big fish gobble up little fish, Snow Falcons swooping in to scoop unexpecting fat, full big fish out of the water, Ted Sarandos gobbling up anything that floats to bottom, as Bob Kraft hands out red Trump 2024 Caps and envelops stuffed with Yuan and Bon Jovi tickets.

No need to get into the Who Struck Johnny here, suffice it to say, if a major media deal does not get announced after this weekend, like maybe a Fire Sale where someone picks up Netflix for pennies on the dollar and tried to right the ship, that means even The Lucky Sperm Club are skittish about the future of the economy and we are all fucked, not just that van load of guest workers…