FEBRUARY 8

Good day all around Sunday. The dog ass Colt’s got pistol whipped. We had Nachos Grande for lunch and Andy Pratt agreed to put at least one day into the project.


The last development is really cool because not only does Andy have a great voice (you may remember his huge hit in the 70’s AVENGING ANNIE), but his Great-Grand Father, or one of them back there in his past, started Exxon with John D. Rockefeller, so he’s an obvious choice to play on the TOO RICH TO BITCH BLUES. The fact that he’s a good musician is just gravy.


Alright, the Nachos Grande were pretty cool too, ‘cause they were homemade, with none of that guacamole crap, but I still, come on, how cool is Andy Pratt?

I’d been meaning to write a Talking Blues for some time now, after talking about the song form with Dan Margarita and his parody of Dylan’s talking blues in his early period. Of course, that was the whole point of the Talking Blues back in the 20’s. They were more comic monologs than the issue-hammering preaching that Woody Guthrie (and by extension, Bob Dylan) turned them into.


Christopher Allen Bouchillon, the mandolin playing third of the Bouchillon Trio, reportedly had such a horrid singing voice, he was asked to speak rather than sing his songs in the studio back in 1927 and thus his trademark and a new style were born.

Of course, I didn’t follow the traditional Talking Blues format of each verse being two couplets and the fifth line being an irregular, unrhymed tag, just to piss off those cat brushing, festival holding, stinking hippies out there that might get pissed off at something like that.


I’d been making a lot of sport of Ernie Boch, Jr. lately, partly out of jealousy, but mainly because, what the hell business does a billionaire (yes, billion with a ‘b’) have with playing the blues? There really are enough pedestrian white boy blues out there as it is, without Ernie and his “Oh, Yeah, I Remember Him” All-Stars throwing their hat’s into the ring.

Musically, Martin Mull had pretty much written the final word on rich people singing the blues back in 1973, with his Ukulele Blues. But amazingly, that was 37 years ago and sadly most people now remember Mull as ‘that gay guy from the Roseanne Show’ rather than the musical comedy giant of the 70’s. So, I figured it was time to revisit the subject.

Getting Andy to play on the recording was an inspired choice, given his family background.

TOO RICH TO BITCH BLUES

THE NAME IS TWIGGLY TOPPER MIDDLE-BOTTOM I’M GLAD TO MEET YA

I’M JUST A LITTLE PUT OFF BECAUSE DOMINOES RAN OUT OF TROUT PIZZA

WE’LL HAVE TO MAKE DO WITH W/THE BUFFALO AND BRIE

IF IT DOESN’T GET HERE IN FIVE MORE MINUTES, AT LEAST IT IS FREE

WE HAD TO GIVE THE COOK THE LONG WEEKEND FOR MARTIN SOMEONE DAY

ALL SHE LEFT US WAS ABOUT A DOZEN FINGER SANDWICHES AND SOME CANAPÉ

WE’LL MAKE IT THROUGH TO TUESDAY IF WE DON’T RUN OUT OF BOOZE

THE TOO RICH TO BITCH BLUE

CH.

TOO RICH TO BITCH BLUES

I GOT THE BLUES

BUT I CAN’T BITCH


I SLIPPED A GIRL A ROOFIE AND CALLED IT SEDUCTION

I PAID HER OFF WITH SOME IMPLANTS AND HER BROTHER’S BREAST REDUCTION

I TALK LIKE I’M STREET BUT I DRIVE A SUBURBAN

I DRINK MY SCOTCH NEAT AND PRETEND THAT IT’S BOURBON

MY FARTS DON’T STINK AND MY BLOOD COULDN’T BE PURER

I’LL BLOW A 3.8 QUICKER THAN MY LAWYER CAN BLOW A JUROR

I’VE WRECKED MORE BEAMERS AND PUKED ON MORE SHOES

THE TOO RICH TO BITCH BLUES
CH.

WHEN THE STOCK MARKET TANKED I LOST A FEW MILLION

HAD TO SLUM IT ALL SUMMER, HANGING OUT WITH PARIS HILTON

THINGS GOT SO TIGHT MY UNCLE, TWIGGLY TOPPER MIDDLE-BOTTOM III JR.

JUST LAST WEEK HAD TO LAY OFF A COUPLE OF HIS SENATORS

NOW HE’S ASHAMED TO SHOW HIS FACE AROUND GEORGETOWN

THANK GOD ALL YA’LL VOTED FOR GOOD OLD SCOTT BROWN

HE SAID HE’D BAIL ME OUT ‘CAUSE I USED TO BANG HIS COUSIN AT SYRACUSE

TOO RICH TO BITCH BLUES
CH.

I GOT MADRAS UNDERWEAR AND WHALES ON MY BELT

TOO BAD IZOD STOPPED MAKING SHIRTS OUT OF UNBORN SEAL PELT

THE PRESIDENTIAL SUITE AT THE W WAS BOOKED BY A SAUDI PRINCE

WE HAD’A RENT A HOUSE FOR THE WEEKEND THAT WAS OWNED BY GEORGE WENDT

MY GRANDFATHER’S FATHER WAS THE LAST MIDDLE-BOTTOM THAT HAD’A WORK

MY ARROGANCE IS CHARMING, IF I WERE POOR I’D JUST BE A USED CAR SELLING JERK

DON’T WANNA, BUT I OWE IT TO HUMANITY TO REPRODUCE

THE TOO RICH TO BITCH BLUES
CH,

CH. (AIN’T THAT RICH?)

Written by Lance Norris @2010 Dutchco Music (BMI)

Thinking of the old Martin Mull song got me thinking of the ukulele itself and how I had a couple of songs planned for this CD that might benefit from some ukulele. You can’t really think of the ukulele without thinking of the great George Harrison, but he’s dead, so I thought of the next best thing, Greg Hawkes. Yeah, that Greg Hawkes, the keyboard player for the Cars.


Hawkes is also a greatly under-appreciated ukulele player and he was in Martin Mull’s stage band, The Fabulous Furniture, back in the day. So, I fired off an email too him to see if we could wrangle him into the fold as well.


I may also have a tuba and a couple of other ace’s up my sleeve, so stay tuned. Oh yeah, it was great seeing Payton crying on the side-lines last night, wasn’t it?