IT’S TIME ONCE AGAIN TO ASK A BITTER MAN:
Today letter comes from Dr. Holly Wean of Punkin, MA
Dear Bitter Man:
It’ almost winter time again here in the North East. So, is global warming a liberal hoax or what?
That’s a very interesting question Holly, and you’ve come to the right place for the answer, because there are but three people in the free world that truly understand anthropogenic global warming and two of them are Al Gore. Fortunately I’m the third.
Global warming, as it is called, is very real, but the egg-head liberals are just as confused on this issue as the head-in-the-sand conservatives. Let me break it down into terms that even I can understand: the climate reacts to changes that are imposed upon it. These changes include variations in the amount of energy we receive from the Sun.
The ‘ Greenhouse Effect’ causes more energy to be radiated back to the earth, raising temperatures. Clouds and things like aerosol sprays cause the Sun’s energy to bounce back into space, lowering temperatures on Earth. Back during the Industrial Revolution these two variants were held in check because even though those massive factories were burning coal and pour carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, causing energy to radiate back to the Earth, warming the planet; they were also billowing huge plumes of smoke into the air, which caused some of the Sun’s energy to bounce back, and keep the Greenhouse radiated energy in check.
So what happened? Tree Huggers, that what. Well intentioned white people that worked tirelessly to reduce smoke emissions and aerosol use, while doing nothing about Greenhouse gasses, threw the checks and balances out of whack, and we stopped bouncing a portion of Sun’s energy away while the energy radiated back to Earth from carbon dioxide and his new friends, chloro and hydrochloro (the fluorocarbon twins) kept growing.
All this extra energy gets stored in the ocean as heat, and even if we were able to correct the balance tomorrow, the ocean won’t give up its warmth so quickly and we could look forward to the melting of the polar ice caps for decades to come.
But that doesn’t mean we should give up. It is always easier to add than subtract, just follow Oprah’s weight charts if you need any proof of that. What we need is to get more aerosols into the air to balance things out. That right, Holly, spray away. The Earth needs your help. As sad as it may seem, Snookie might save us yet!
But thanks for the letter. It’s time for me to say, Later On Croutons.
